


What bravery is made of

by Meriani



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Universe, Spoiler chapter 82, this just sort of happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-18 05:17:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7301020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meriani/pseuds/Meriani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First of all: SPOILER SNK CHAPTER 82!!!<br/>Just a few chapters about the very end of chapter 82 and afterward. I’ve no idea if this is coherent, or plausible, or anything, but well…<br/>I read chapter 82 and I was still trying to process all my feelings and thoughts, and trying to find hope when this just sort of… happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ist das unser Schicksal...

**Author's Note:**

> I know several people pointed out that Armin may not be dead yet in the last panel of the chapter for diverse reasons, but as SNK world seems to not be very advanced in medicine, I took the asuption that Eren and the others cannot even think about how he could still be alive and therefore think he’s dead (and anyway, even if they considered the option, he would need medical attention quickly and they haven’t got any so they would probably know there was nothing they could do for him). Beside, there’s still the 50 metres fall onto that rooftop.
> 
> English is not my native language and I’m still looking for a beta reader who speaks it. So in the meantime, please be indulgent about my mistakes and feel free to point them out to me, I’ll be happy to correct them.  
> Also, feel free to leave a comment !

* * *

 

_“I was, I am, and remain a soldier! Sworn to dedicate my heart and soul to the restoration of humankind! I have no greater ambition than to give up my life, should it help that cause! “_

Armin Arlert,

Chapter 11, _“_ Response _”_

* * *

 

“You were always… the bravest of us all.”

Eren staggered on the rooftop, dragging an unconscious Bertolt behind him. He felt dazed. This could not be. His mind was refusing the truth, spurning the very _idea_ of it. He was just staring blankly at what was in front of him. He couldn’t process what it meant. No really.

The boy was exhausted by all his shifting and ended up sinking to his knees, still clutching Bertolt by the back of his collar. The burned body lay in front on him, barely recognisable. But Eren knew who it was. Of course he knew. He had seen it burn in the titan’s steam and fall.

Knowing it was one thing. Understanding it and accept what it meant was another.

_How did this…happen? Armin…Why?_

He definitely knew why. But that did not help him accept the facts. It had been obvious that Armin was going to put his life on the line so that he could attack the Colossal Titan at its weak point. Yet, somehow, Eren had not considered the idea. Because they didn’t really have time for it, of course. Because Armin was determined, anyway. But also – and mostly – because the idea that his friend _might actually_ die was beyond anything he could consider. It had simply seemed impossible to him.

_Have I ever lied to you, Eren?_

Yes, he had. Just once. When he had told him he would get out of the way if the steam became impossible to bear. It was a lie, Eren had known it, deep inside, from the moment Armin had told it. He knew his friend too well to believe it. Yet…

_What about…our dream?_

One part of him was aware that he should move. Do something. Make sure to kill Bertolt. Check on how the others were faring against Reiner. Get out of here. But he simply couldn’t move, frozen up in shock and horror.

Dimly, through this maze of contradicting thoughts and emotions, Eren was aware of someone approaching and landing on the roof behind him.

* * *

 

Jean crashed more than he landed on a rooftop. Clutching the wood splinter that was stuck on his flesh, he started to pull it out. At the same instant, a blurred form swooped past him and down on the Armored Titan. It took him a moment to recognize the person.

“Squad leader Hange!”

_How the hell did she come out of it alive?_

Mikasa then managed to fire her Thunder Spear right it the titan’s mouth, effectively blowing Reiner out of it. The titan started to disintegrate into steam. Mikasa landed nearby and so did the squad leader.

“Is he… dead?” asked Connie in the small moment of silence that followed. He was still carrying Sasha in his arms.

Hange peered at it.

“Too much steam to tell. Well, dead or not, I don’t think he’s going to move or transform anytime soon, he should be in too bad a state to do it. Mikasa, stay here and as soon as you can see Reiner, make sure he’s dead. Let’s not make the same mistake twice.”

The girl nodded and Hange turned away. She looked battered, sporting several deep cuts that were still bleeding, a closed eye and was missing her glasses. Jean was astonished. How did she manage to come out of this explosion with so little injuries, when it had wiped all the others out and nearly blown them too?

But he had no time to ask, or wonder further. She had just stopped speaking when the Colossal Titan suddenly seemed to fall and started to turn into steam.

“Look, they’ve done it!”

“At least some success in this awful day. Who went for him?” asked Hange

“Armin and Eren.”

“Ah. Good.” A silence. “Let’s hope Erwin and Levi had more luck on their side. And less losses. ”

Hange then turned toward Sasha. The girl still seemed unconscious, and several of the debris Reiner had sent flying at them had struck her, the worse being the one that now stuck out of her chest. As the squad leader and Connie were doing their best to take care of Sasha’s injuries, Jean sat down on the roof and looked after his own wounds. He had been lucky, despite having several small pieces of wood in the arms. The only potentially dangerous one was the one stuck between his shoulder and his chest. The others hurt like hell but weren’t worrisome. Clenching his jaw, he pulled all of them out, hissing in pain. He then used what he could find – a piece of his cloak – to staunch the blood, which was less than he had expected it to be.

_Damn. Looks like I was really lucky._

Mikasa was intently staring at both disintegrating titans, a hand protectively set on the arm that had gotten injured by a shrapnel of Thunder Spear earlier on. She then suddenly switched new blades on her handles and jumped off the roof toward Reiner. She must have spotted him.

When she came back a minute later, there was blood on her weapons. Jean felt sick. Hange lifted her head:

“And?”

“He’s dead.” She didn’t add anything. What could she have said, anyway?

 _Did we really kill him?_ Pointless thought. They had been left with no choices but this, and what was done was done. They could not undo it.

Mikasa had gone to the edge of the roof and had her back to him, looking anxious and muttering:

“Where are they?”

Jean knew she wasn’t talking about Reiner and Bertolt. He followed her gaze. He couldn’t see Armin or Eren, but there was still plenty of steam which could hide them.

“Leave them time to come back.” He answered in a voice he hoped sounded reassuring “They’re probably waiting to see if they really got Bertolt.”

She nodded vaguely, eyes still fixed in the distance. But Jean could see she had not really listened. Her worry was starting to influence him, too. After an instant of silence she clenched her blades more tightly:

“Something… Went wrong.”

“What… Wait, Mikasa!”

But it was too late, the girl was already dashing toward the Wall and the Colossal Titan.

_Damn, what are you thinking about!?_

Hange and Connie had turned when they had heard his cry. Jean got up with a wince and looked at the squad leader, hesitating. She nodded slightly and he quickly jumped off the roof to follow Mikasa.

* * *

 

After firing her Thunder Spear at Reiner, Mikasa had followed squad leader Hange’s orders and waited for the place to clear of its steam. If Reiner wasn’t dead, she was going to kill him, without hesitation. He would kill them if she left him the occasion. She was not going to allow him to get out of here alive. He was too dangerous, and responsible for too much deaths.

And so she did. He seemed already dead when she got to him, but she made sure of it before going back to the others.

Poor Sasha was still knocked out, and they were all battered. If another disaster stuck them, they would probably not be able to face it. But they were taking care of each other as best as they could. Her own injury was throbbing mercilessly through her arm but she ignored it. Her attention was elsewhere.

Mikasa’s relief at seeing that Bertolt had been taken down was fading, replaced by an unexplainable sense of fear. Turning, she tried to concentrate on something else. _Have faith. They know what they’re doing. They’re fine._ But she couldn’t help it, her sense of dread was rising steadily.

“Something…went wrong.”

She finally gave in to her impulse and dashed off the roof. She heard Jean call after her, and knew she should stay at her place, but didn’t answer. Her instinct was telling her something was wrong. She _had_ to know.

_Eren… Armin… Where are you?_

It did not take her long to get to where the Colossal Titan was still transforming into steam. She looked around frantically. Where were they? She quickly spotted Eren. He was kneeling on a nearby rooftop, with his back to her, clutching a heavily injured Bertolt. Relief washed over her.

_Eren! But where is Armin?_

Mikasa ran to him:

“Eren, are you all right?! Where’s…”

She stopped right in her tracks. Something was lying in front of the boy. What…? _No_. Eren stared up at her. He was crying and looked lost.

“Mikasa, I…”

The faint sent of burned flesh should have warned her. The body was barely recognizable, but she instantly knew who it was. It was not as if there were many options, anyway.

“Armin …?”

The name had come out in an incredulous whisper. She was having troubles believing what her eyes told her. _No. Not him_. Not Armin, with his smart mind, sometimes frightening plans and eyes full of dreams. Not the only other person left of her childhood. He couldn’t be lying in front of her, his skin burned away horribly. Not dead. That wasn’t…

_“Eren and I will defeat the Colossal Titan. The two of us will be able to do it.”_

_Is that what you had in mind all along, Armin?_

Mikasa kneeled beside Eren and extended a hand toward Armin. Maybe he was still…? Then, she quickly took it away. There was no way he could still be alive. How could anyone survive that?

_Armin… I’m sorry. I couldn’t protect you._

She felt a wave of grief wash over her, then swiftly supressed it with anger. Anger was easier. It hurt so much less than grief.

_Bertolt, you…_

* * *

 

Jean followed Mikasa easily. He could see her standing, but wondered why she didn’t move. Maybe Eren was injured? Let’s hope not, they already had enough wounded. His own injuries were aching. He had tightly tied a piece of cloth around them to keep them from bleeding, but that didn’t stop the pain.

He thudded on the roof behind Eren and Mikasa and stepped forward.

“What the hell are you doing?!”

Then, he saw more clearly what they were looking at, eyes wide open in disbelief.

_Who…?_

The next second, he knew. Why else would Eren cry like that and Mikasa look so shocked?

_Armin. Oh no. Please._

While he was still frozen, Mikasa sat down and extended a slightly trembling hand in the direction of the burned body.

 _Not again._ He wasn’t standing in front of a friend’s corpse. Again.

What the hell had happened? It looked as if Armin had been caught in the Colossal Titan’s steam, but he wouldn’t be so stupid as to stay in it. Unless…

_No. Don’t tell me you…_

Had he spoken out loud? He couldn’t tell, but Eren was speaking as if he answered him, with a low, shaking voice.

“He…He attracted Bertolt’s attention. To buy me time.” He looked as if he couldn’t quite believe it. “…Told me he would get out of the steam in time.” He was sobbing a bit less, now.

 _And you believed him?_ No, even Eren wouldn’t be such an idiot as to believe that. He must have known. That was so like Armin. Sacrifice himself to give them a chance to win.

_How dared you, you stupid!?_

_Why are you always so willing to put yourself at risk?! For once, couldn’t you just…_

Was there any chance that he was still…? No. Impossible. There was nothing they could do for him.

_What the hell are we supposed to do, now?_

Jean was concentrated on his anger, even if he knew it was unfounded, and had no idea at whom it was aimed. But if he was furious, he wouldn’t have to consider the implications of what lay in front of his eyes. It was easier. Completely pointless, but easier.

_Armin…_

He noticed Mikasa had gotten up again, eyes full of fury. Swords in hands, she strode to Bertolt:

“You…”

She mercilessly stuck both her blades in his body, and pushed on them hard.

At the same moment, Hange joined them, landing heavily beside Jean. She must have wondered what they were doing:

“Mikasa, no! We might need…”

“Why? We’re not going to spare this b...”

They were both interrupted by Eren. He was speaking to no one in particular.

“There must be a way… to save him. Someone…”

 _Are you crazy?!_ It hurt to admit it, but there was no way. It was Hange who answered, in a sad voice were exhaustion was also audible.

“Eren, you can’t…”

“There must be!” A trace of anger had appeared in the boy’s voice.

Mikasa was looking at him, her blades still stuck in Bertolt’s body. Hange slowly shook her head.

“There is no way, Eren.” She went on, less loudly, as if thinking to herself. “The only way would be… No, Levi has it, and he’s too far away. And we’re not sure it would work. It’s…”

Her voice trailed off. Eren was clenching his fists and sadness had been replaced by anger on his features. He has stopped crying and the streaks of tears were still visible on his face. A dangerous glow appeared in his eyes.

“Armin, you. Can’t.”

“Eren.”Mikasa’s tone, usually neutral, was now almost pleading. “He’s …”

“I refuse this, do you hear me?! You’re not going anywhere, Armin! I won’t let you do this!” His voice had risen until it was a scream of pure anger and denial shouted to the sky.

“I forbid you to die!”


	2. ...Oder unsere Wille ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I had less time to write than expected. The french version of this is posted since three days but I still had to translate it into english. Looks like chapter 83 will come out before this. Anyway, here you go !

The blast took them totally by surprise and sent Jean and Hange, who were nearest the edge, over the top of the roof.

Jean pulled himself together in time to send his harpoon into the house and avoid smashing himself on the ground. Hange did the same at about the same moment. They both ended up dangling on the wall like spiders on their web, still trying to understand what had just happened.

The next moment, Mikasa jumped off the roof, almost pulling Eren after her:

“Move away, quickly!”

A huge hand then smashed at the very place she had been only one second earlier, sending a good half of the house crumbling on them.

_What…?_

Jean retreated after Mikasa without so much of a second thought. _A titan?!_ He then made the connection with the earlier blast. _Someone transformed?_

Mikasa finally landed on a higher building farther away, and they all joined her. Jean turned around as soon as he set his foot on it, his confused mind still trying to make sense of what had just happened.

“What happ…”

He froze. An eleven meter class titan was standing where they used to be. As he hadn’t been able to catch any of them, he was now grabbing Bertolt, who had been left on the roof. There was no trace of Armin’s body.

_…What? Who…transformed?_

The blond-haired titan had a strangely familiar appearance. An idea came to Jean’s mind, which he immediately rejected.

_No. That’s not possible. How could this be?_

But then, who? How, why?

Too much questions. He was taken out of his stupefaction by Connie, who joined them, still holding Sasha in his arms.

“What’s happening?! Where does this one come from?” Getting no answer, he went on: “Is it Bertolt he’s eating?!”

He was right. Bertolt’s wounds had had no time to heal themselves, and he seemed still incapable of defending himself – he had probably lost too much energy in transforming. He must have been conscious enough to understand what was happening to him, for his screams were audible. Jean clenched his jaws and looked aside, while Hange answered.

“Yes. What a pity, he could have been useful...”

“But who’s that titan?!  When I saw the blast, I thought it was Eren, but…”

Mikasa was biting her lips, her eyes fixed on the titan, who was still occupied with their former friend. However, it was Eren who spoke the first when Connie went quiet:

“… Impossible. Do you think it’s…? “

“…Armin” Hange completed.

Jean turned his gaze toward the squad leader, who Conny was staring at with a look of pure incomprehension on his face:

“Eh…?” Conny gazed around. « Armin? What has he to do with this? Where is he, by the way?

“He’s the titan, Conny. I think. “How could he speak with such a flat, detached tone, when he himself had trouble believing it?

Connie stared at him as if he had turned mad.

“What?! You’re kidding. Why would he be… “

He left his sentence unfinished, as Hange slowly added :

“I don’t know why. But I don’t see who else it could be. The shifting happened right in front of our eyes. There was only us and Bertolt, and if someone else had approached that near, we would have been aware of it. And this one really looks like he is mindless. If it had been another shifter, he probably would have acted differently. But, how…”

“We’ve got more important things to think about right now” Mikasa interrupted. She turned toward them. Until now, she had stayed at the edge of the rooftop, staring wide-eyed at the titan. But she must have come to the same conclusions than Hange: as unlikely as it seemed, the squad leader was probably right. “What do we do? If it’s really him, we can’t leave him like that! How does he become human again?”

A silence widened between them after she had spoken. That was all the problem. They were left with a mindless titan, who could end up attacking them after he was done with Bertolt. And Jean knew no one of them would be able to kill him. Not until they were sure that it wasn’t Armin.

“Wait” Hange mumbled. “What did Ymir and Rod Reiss say?” That it’s after eating a shifter that regaining human form was possible. So, if he…

“The titan’s turning to steam” Eren chocked out, interrupting her thoughts.

Jean followed the finger Eren pointed. Yes, the titan was now turning to thick steam. No traces of Bertolt.

Eren started in that direction. “We have to go, see if… “

Hange grabbed him by the shoulder and stopped him  just as he was trying to leave the rooftop.

“No. Eren, you stay here. We can never know. Let’s not take any risks. Mikasa and I are going to see. You stay here. »

After these words, both Mikasa and Hange left toward the titan’s steaming body. Jean stared at them while they approached it, made visible and then masked by the steam. He was still trying to put some order into the events and his thoughts when Eren sat down heavily, passing a hand on his face, looking exhausted.

“What happened? That’s…”

On the other side, Connie was kneeling beside Sasha, mumbling:

“Why would Armin be…?” He seemed unable of finishing his sentence, which was understandable. Jean himself didn’t believe it entirely. But this titan had such a familiar air. That was so incredible that there must be another explanation. At least, that was what the pragmatic part of his mind was telling him. The other part saw only the chances that Armin might still be alive.

“… Damn. I don’t understand anything anymore.”

Jean sighted internally

_Me neither, Connie. Me neither._

* * *

 

When that blast had happened, Mikasa had reacted quickly enough (after a moment of surprise) to avoid the huge hand the titan had sent in their direction. She had pulled Eren out of reach, and without wondering further about the sudden appearance of the titan, hastily gotten away to safety, shouting at the others to do the same.

Once she was out of reach, she had observed the titan more intently. Where did he come from? How could they have not been aware of the presence of someone else so near to them? That was almost impossible. Then, something in the creature’s looks stuck in her mind. Something familiar.

Only Bertolt was left on the roof, because Eren had dropped him in their hurry to get out of reach. _So, who…?_

As Hange spoke aloud the idea that had just crossed her own mind, the  girl felt her heart tighten in her chest. Armin was the very last person made to possess such abilities….

But, as unbelievable as it was, Mikasa wanted to believe in it. If it was him, then, his wounds might regenerate, and he would have a chance to stay alive. But…

_How does he get out of here?_

 

When the titan began to lose form, she promptly left the others behind, Hange beside her, and approached it. As she was nearing the weak point at the nape of the neck, she spotted a well-known figure that slightly emerged from it.

_Armin!_

Her scepticism vanished instantly. _It was him._

As Hange landed beside her, she put her arms around him and started to pull. He wasn’t moving.

“It’s like he’s already merging with it!”

Hange had to join in and help her so that they were finally able to get Armin out completely. Mikasa held her friend against her, in a similar way to what she had done with Eren back in Trost. She couldn’t completely believe her luck. She could feel his uneven breathing.

_Alive._

His burns were still substantial, although a bit less important. Added to that, there was now the deeply rigged marks left around his eyes by the transformation. His hair had grown back partly, but were notably shorter than before.

As she was holding him against her, a happy relief almost suffocated her. _He’s alive._

Hange had approached and checked on the boy’s breathing, muttering something like “I’d love to understand” before speaking louder :

“Let’s not stay there indefinitely. Can you carry him?” she asked, nodding toward Mikasa’s wounded arm. The girl made an affirmative gesture, and they both left the steaming carcass behind them to go back to the rest of the group.

* * *

 

Eren, who was staring so intently at the titan that he felt his eyes hurt, saw Mikasa and Hange come back, the former holding a small blond figure.

“Armin!”

His incredulity was instantly replaced by overwhelming joy. It was him!

She approached along with the others as Mikasa landed, studying his friend. His burns were still there, but seemed to steam slightly, a sign that his skin was probably regenerating. He was unconscious, and the deep marks left by the titan marred his face.

_Armin was really… a titan? How…?_

Eren fell down on the roof beside Mikasa. Too much. It was too much to process in so small a timespan. He didn’t understand anything anymore.

“It was really…Armin?” Connie asked in a weak voice.

Hange nodded.

“But…How…”

“I only we knew that…”  Jean mumbled as an answer.

There was a moment of silence, which Hange broke, looking thoughtful :

“Eren… Did you do anything specific?”

_Eh?_

“When you saw Armin, did you do anything particular?”

Eren stared at her. What did she mean?

“I…No. Why?”

“Maybe you’re for something in his transformation. After all, the Beast Titan looks like he’s capable of turning people into titans. We don’t really know the extent of your power, maybe you can do something like that too? It seems really strange to me that he would transform right now. I don’t see when he could have been injected with the serum. Or maybe there is a way of doing it without the serum?

 _Would that be possible? Did I do this?_ Eren looked at Armin, still unmoving in Mikasa’s arms. _But how? And…Why now?_ He looked down on his hands _. Am I responsible for this ?_

Hange continued after a second of silence.

“Well. That’s only a theory. We will have to do with it for now. We can’t stay here much longer and we can’t wait for the others to come back. Eren, can you find your house here?”

He took a look around.

“Yes!”

“Do you think you could transform, if needed?”

“Probably not. Not correctly, at least” And not before some time has passed. He was too weakened by his previous shifting to do it again, and he felt even more exhausted than before.

“I thought so. Well, we’ll have to do with that, too. We must absolutely go check this basement.” She looked at all of them. “We can’t do anything more for Sasha right now. Neither can we for Armin. He’s out of fight, at least until his burns have healed themselves, which will probably take a long time, seeing his state right now. Are you all right, Eren?”

“Yes” he answered firmly. He got up again, even though he was so exhausted he felt he could barely stand. He didn’t really want to leave Armin here as they were going to find answers. And even more when he still did not understand what had happened. But, as Hange had said, they had no time to wait. And if Armin later learned he had hesitated to go for answers because of him, he was going to kill him.

Hange looked around.

“Looks like that’s the highest building around here. Connie, Jean, you stay here with Armin and Sasha. If a titan comes, or any other threat, sent a red flare.

“Yes!”

“Good. Eren? »

“That way!” he answered, pointing at a precise direction.

When they left the rooftop to find his childhood house and its basement, Eren was full of hope. Armin was alive. And they were finally going to know what secret was hidden in the basement. With that, they would finally be able to get rid of the titans, and get humanity out of its cage. Why else would his father have insisted so much on the importance of this basement?

The key was hanging around his neck, a familiar and reassuring weight.

_We’ll see the ocean, Armin. Together. I swear it._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A theory by @Momtaku on tumblr was the inspiration for this. Broadly, her theory said that, seing Armin's state, Eren might enter a state of mind similar to the one he had when he suddenly commanded to the titans to save Mikasa in the Clash of Titan arc. He might then discover a side of his power he didn't now yet and save Armin.   
> Momtaku, this is for you, even thought it not very good, because you gave me hope !
> 
> As for the titles of the chapters. You may have recognised a line of the OST's song "Bauklötze". The line in its entirety is "Ist das unser Schicksal, oder unsere Wille ?" Meaning something like "Ist that our fate, or our will ?". I thought that could be a good title for both chapters, since the first one involves accepting (or not) Armin's fate (hence the "Ist das unser Schicksal"), and the second Eren's will that saved him (hence the "unsere Wille").  
> Thanks for reading !


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